About Me

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

On accomplishments and judgment against them

Some days I know who I am, some days I think I have no clue. 
Some days I am confident with my life choices while on other days criticism really hurts me. 

We had a long weekend, and I wanted to deep-clean the apartment. I LOVE our apartment, it's the first place in my adult life I call HOME. I want to spend time (and money) making it prettier and more "us". Rented apartments in Israel are usually kept in a bad condition. Despite the (very) high prices it's not uncommon to have lousy and old facilities. When we moved in two years ago we cleaned the place thoroughly, painted the walls, hung shelves etc, but we didn't do much with the bathroom since it was all too much and we didn't want to start painting both walls and ceiling.

It was fine for two years, but after the winter the bathroom needed a face-lift. So I bought hydrogen peroxide (diluted it to 3%) to get rid of the mold, and gave the washing machine its annual treatment with vinegar and baking soda. As it wasn't enough, I also applied new grout on the bathroom floor.

I felt like a super-hero!

All happy and stinky I went to a family dinner, and proudly shared my afternoon act of magic. The first reaction was "oh, you have too much free time!", followed by another key line  "but it's a rented apartment, why would you go through all the trouble?"

This reaction crushed me. MY HOME is so important to me. Coming back from work to a place I can call HOME is a feeling nothing can replace. having a place that I love, knowing that most of it is my own creation, this is something I care so much for. Being surrounded by items that spark joy is precious. And having it all dismissed by someone implying my time is better spent doing other things is hurtful.

I didn't know what to do, so I went back HOME and went all out: painted the bathroom (walls and ceiling! primer and paint!), scrubbed the ceramic with vinegar to get rid of all the limescale, took the sinks apart to clean the pipes, removed the carpet from the bedroom floor (my landlord approved) and more. The bathroom looks amazing, and three days from now I'll take myself on a date to the flee market to find accessories. Every shower I now take is different and refreshing. And I have myself to thank for it.

But I'm still sad.  I choose to live a different life. I have a "normal" day-job I will not replace for anything in the world, I think what I do is important. But at the same time I feel that sewing my own clothes, using ecological cleaning supplies, recycling and reusing is my way of living a balanced life, feeling that I'm a positive force in the world, that I do more good than bad. I also choose to spend my (hard-earned) money on dance classes, trips, fabric and craft supplies. Should I be ashamed?

When somebody dismisses my choices, saying I'm wasting my time with all this, there still is a little voice in my head thinking that he might be right.

Should I do something else? Be somebody else? Am I a young idealist that still hasn't grown out of it? (I'm 27, will I change?)

and most importantly - am I alone with my point of view on life?

Did anyone ever insulted you, laughed at you for sewing and DIYing?  How should I react if/when it happens again?


1 comment:

  1. Yes, I've experienced the same. And it hurts.

    I think the best way to react is just to say "I disagree" and end the conversation at that. Saying "I disagree" but stopping at that allows you to stand strong in your beliefs but doesn't put you in a position where you are forced to defend them. Saying "I disagree" but stopping at that allows you to stand strong in your beliefs but